#which is so. indeed! its not!
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I've struggled so much with english these past few days and it's so annoying and embarrassing, and what's even more embarrassing is that I'm embarrassed at all in the first place!!! Everytime I make a rushed error with my unmedicated brain, or swap around with word order, or struggle to pronounce things or outright just fail to recall even basic words entirely I get so ashamed and stressed out.
And I hate being told things such as "you're better than some native speakers" because I know that isn't true! And I wish it could just be fine that I'm not! Sure, I've improved immensely ever since I actually tried to learn it properly 10 years ago, but it was such a bumpy and embarrassing road that it's practically a mercy for my self confidence that I was psychotic for a majority of the time, what with all the things I've forgotten or outright never memorized in the first place as a result lmao.
Everytime I have to edit captions and such after hitting 'Post' I always feel this overwhelming sense of dread that people will just pour in to nag and to correct me even over the smallest things, all without anything good to say. Which sucks, cause so many times where I've had people be condescending or outright degrading, the errors in question didn't even impede on the clarity of what I was saying. Just stupid, unimportant things like using 'has'/'have' wrong, using 'were' two times in a sentence, putting words in the wrong order in a sentence etc.
It's been years now since that was a thing that happened regularly, but that fear is apparently still so deeply imprinted that, even now, I can't read what I'm writing right here and now without this looming fear about how it will serve to make native speakers perceive me as stupid and unintelligent or outright infantilize me. Even though I know that's more than likely irrational of me to feel now. I seriously need to figure out how to overcome this mental roadblock, or at least not let it get to me like this. It's rarer these days, but I still feel it too strongly for my liking whenever my reservations do kick in.
#not to mention old group of people that shall not be named#who when i spoke up about feeling uncomfortable about the way they made fun of me#told me that it was fine actually because my language is not an oppressed one#which is so. indeed! its not!#nor did i ever say that it was!#id simply just hoped that people who called themselves my friends#would also want to like... maybe respect me like one#yknow???#idk im rambling and being stupid maybe#nothing happened really ive just felt shitty with how hard its been to speak and write lately#and i have such complex feelings about english and learning it and how its been this ceaseless struggle for over two decades#and how said struggle nearly cost me access to even get into gymnasiet#which didnt matter in the end anyway but thats another depressing story rofl and also lmao#silvi talks#or whines would be a better way of putting it LMAO#whatever its fine im fine#i keep trying to remind myself that i dont need speak perfectly to be deserving of civility#but holy fuck its hard sometimes!!! and tbh it doesnt help how often youll run into people mentioning stuff like#'writing pet peeves' and its just nitpicking minor grammar or spelling things as if its the end of the world#actually i need to stop here lest i become an unskippable cutscene about language policing as a concept and how it bothers me#KSJFEDKJDSKJS#delete later maybe i guess idk#depends on how ashamed i feel by admitting this openly
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one of the boy names my parents were considering for me was ‘ignatz’ after the rat who throws bricks in the 1910s comic strip krazy kat and this horrified me as a child but now im an adult and trans its lowkey kinda cute.. you could go by ‘iggy’ or ‘nat’.. im happy with jude but tbh i shouldn’t have doubted their vision
#also my family is austrian and its germanic in origin so i could pretend its not about the rat#linus was also on the list. i was indeed named after a comic strip character and if you dig enough you can prob find which one but tbh as#much as i usually dont care about ppl knowing my deadname i also have too many followers now lol
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Hello, Spamton!
How's life? Also, do you have any opinions on the Addisons? (Pink, blue, orange, and yellow)
If so, what do you think of them?
#raaughhh ruhhh i am immediately going tyo bed ive been working on it. almost all day so if you see mistakes NO YOU DONT#[you've got mail!]#spamton#spamton g spamton#deltarune#deltarune spamton#deltarune chapter 2#still frame asks on regular in exchange for animated ones is a pretty good deal i think#rruuhahahah#Now this is the point where id say why you pissed him off but id be lying becaus he isnt#And i like the asks about the addisons despite people forgetting that they are indeed a topic lol#i would just say that askihin him on HIS opinions on them will get you a slew of censored brackets and a largely irritated guy#Im sure eventually youll figure out a good question that will get him talking in a way you want but for now its either : youre flatout#ignored or insulted..... or he only answers whatever else you put in there. which counts as being ignored. mu ha ha#at least for the “your opinion” ones but i do like this ask#as per usual the tag paragraph#eat well my disgusting bug horde im going to bed even though i had other plans
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I made a few new wax seal stamps out of clay (like the ones I did for my worldbuilding stuff forever ago), this time just of random symbols that I thought might look good done in the style of painting over the raised part of the wax or etc. :0c Some of them aren't carved deep enough to really show up that well, but overall they worked okay for being clay lol
#wax seal#crafts#wax stamp#stationery#Window one is kind of stinky.. I was imagining like a swirly night sky sort of looking thing so it would be a surreal contrast of a night#sky with a window in the middle that shows a daytime sky - but the silver and purple wax kind of mixed too much together#with the black and it just looks very plain black and not all that starry or anything hjbhj.. Of course the eye is probably my favorite#since all I ever do is draw eyes and still like eye imagery for some reason. The four leaf clover is very lumpy and skrunkty but also it wa#the smallest in size out of all of them so was easier to do multiple stamps of just to try it out.#The heart with eyes wax is actually more swirly in person. I wanted it to be a mix of light pink and red and white. and the wax#did kind of all blend together but in person you can definitely see MORE of the intentional swirlyness. in this it just looks plain pink.#I was going to do one eye in the heart but it looked weird. but now two seems too plain. i could have done 3?? in a pattern.. hmm#alas. I wish I could make actual metal ones. With the clay i have to paint them in a thin layer of olive oil before stamping because#otherwise the wax just kind of gets stuck in the grooves of the clay and then you can't pull it up. Very wacky ''unprofessional'' looking#set up where I'm hot gluing circles of sculpey clay to short stumps of a wooden dowel that I sawed apart with a serrated bread knife#and then using an old paintbrush to put olive oil on them whilst holding a spoon over a yankee candle flame hjbjh#ANYWAY.. I think if I were middle class/rich/etc. this would be one of the main things in my crafting room is like.. SO many colors#of wax. and all different custom made stamps designed by me. which could be much more elaborate in actual metal.. muahaha.... >:)c#RHGghhh... I actually don't want to talk much about it since (this is probably just my Obsessed With My Own World Artist Delusions) I#think I have a really cool idea for a game that could genuinely be successful if i ever get to make it and I don't want to give#everything away and spoil the whole plot/concept in hopes that one day I can actually do it - BUT - a game that I'd like to make after the#visual novel I'm making now has partially to do with the main character working as a sort of writer/scribe/artist assistant in an elven#city (set in my world/with my worldbuilding species and versions of elves and etc) and I was thinking of maybe incorporating#somehow being able to collect little writing type items like these like.. you can get different wax seal patterns or pens or etc. when I do#stuff like this in Real Life it always makes me think of that like.. ouh... this is good research.. what it shall be like to be a littol#elf collecting wax seals and such.. indeed... GRR i need to be finished with my current game NOWWW... i MUST work on other#thingss... aughh... ANYWAY.. yay. accomplishment to do One Single Thing other than Sit In The Summer Heat And Rot#though also hilarious as this was the first cool-ish day that was below 80F in a while hgvh#waking up like 'wow.. i actually feel okay today?? like I could do things?? how mysterious.. I wonder why..?? :0'' Its The Weather You Fool#Tis Always The Weather
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been scribbling out some little comics for my EoW!Zelda Impersonates Link AU!
#echoes of wisdom#the legend of zelda#princess zelda#zelda#loz eow#loz#josh art tag#This one is based around the idea that Zelda never actually met Link properly#and thus impersonating him is trial and error#but also that the situation emphasizes the tragedy of what happened#that Link (presumably) went on a whole quest to save her#and yet she knows nothing about this wonderful hero that she now has taken the place of#also this comic (and possible future ones) are indeed slightly born of me wanting to show people that my AU isnt just#“make zelda link”#cuz some people dont see my vision. which is fine!! how are they supposed to know?#but a couple people are like “well doesn't this defeat the purpose of having protag zelda in the first place? :/”#but no that is not what this is about!#In my vision for how this au would play out it would still be very different than playing as link#like sure she looks like link but princess zelda isnt just some girl in a dress you know#So the fact that she is indeed actually impersonating link isnt just like a backstory or anything#its something that is constantly relevant#in my eyes of how such a story would go#wait i need a tag for this au now uhhhh#imposter!zelda au#<- maybe that'll do???#maybe its too among us-y#if u have suggestions pls share
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kim is such a funny little guy like he emphasizes how little the rcm salary is when you ask about it (5500 reál annually- 460/mo) but here he is with his nice electronic sports watch and his little instant camera and his fancy revolutionary cosplay for plainclothes and he's living in the GRIH which can't be cheap and he's got his fancy little mnemotechnique notebooks which are like the moleskine of elysium i guess and his fancy little ballpoints that he does NOT want to share with you which i bet is because they cost him like a week of salary. and this is the rcm he's not getting stipends for supplies or watches or housing or probably even the gas for the kineema. poor as fuck but he is going to buy himself his little treats god damn it. if he lived in our world you know he'd be out getting himself a $9 vanilla soy milk half caf dirty chai iced latte every morning on the way to the station and eating instant noodles every night to claw out room in the budget for it
#'kim is a black coffee kind of guy' false he drinks black coffee at work solely for appearance#given the choice he's like the typical iced latte extra caramel sauce 27 pumps of vanilla and whipped cream type of girlie#he won't admit it though. so he drinks it black at work. with one (1) sugar if he's feeling zesty#kim buying himself extremely nice and overpriced notebooks every couple weeks justifying it with 'it's for work'#he will justify any purchase to himself with 'it's for work' wherever possible#which results in insane feats of mental gymnastics. and yes that would include the $9 soy chai lattes#harry is broke bevause he spends r400 a month on booze.#kims budget is r110 kineema gas and mods r150 stationery r150 rent r20 pen ink refills r20 tailoring supplies and r10 food & misc#creature of pride indeed. love you kim#kiwipost#kk meta#kim kitsuragi#harry makes fun of the expensive pens until he writes with one then hes like no yeah this is a nice pen. im sorry for ever doubting you#actually even better if harry thinks its shitty. he'd prefer the cheap dollar store bulk pack 50c plastic ones#kim gets really defensive of his pens too. unreasonably defensive. personal insults may or may not be slung at this point#kim is sooo funny yes sir you are so so normal average sane mundane usual orthodox plain unremarkable spoilsport etc. whatever you say babe
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something i've been thinking about:
Wally is set up as a sort of "main character" by the whrp. he's said in the site's description of the show to have introduced the main theme/lesson of the day's episode, and then the rest of the neighbors join him on his escapades. but then we have our first glimpses of everyone's actual dynamics and characters through the audios and you look at Wally and its like
first of all, thats an npc. second, nearly everybody else has severe main character syndrome
but its fascinating how Wally is just kind of... There. he doesnt talk much. he doesnt contribute beyond a couple of lines. its more like he joins the others on their shenanigans. he fades into the background. he's off to the side while everyone else holds conversations & leads the moment
Wally, despite being described as Thee character, is borderline background.
& whats even more interesting, within his individual secret audio files and interactions - he's almost chatty. not only that but the way he talks is more confident and faster paced. he's taking initiative. he can be kinda pushy. when talking to the qa/whrp/Us, he acts more like the character his descriptions portray. he acts more like a person instead of a puppet waiting for his next cue
I cant tell if - when around the neighbors - his tepid milk behavior is a purposeful act or if he's masking. and if he's masking, is it deliberate or involuntary? and in regards to both, why is he acting so different? It could be tied to what he's trying to accomplish. if he's trying to "restore" Welcome Home, it would make sense for him to act as he does around the neighbors - he wouldnt want to clue them in that he knows so much more than he's letting on, would he?
but then that begs another train of thought - what if he isn't acting or masking? if there is a time discrepancy between Wally's interactions with the qa/whrp/Us & the more 'official' audios, that could explain the difference in behavior. we could be getting glimpses into "future" (read: current) Wally, who's had much more time to figure himself out since we can safely assume he started out as a blank slate. we could be seeing a more experienced Wally than the one seen with his friends.
of course that line of thinking loses some merit when considering the 14 "bug" audios. or it could lend to it... if we're seeing a more experienced Wally but his friends are only seeing what he allows them to. it's still him, just... a carefully curated version.
in general it could really tie into the themes of identity and change and being other, to me. when you're so different - or you feel so different - that you can't bring yourself to be your most authentic you around your friends. when you feel like you have to hold back and be who you think they expect you to be, or what would be most palatable. most normal. will they accept you as you really are? there's always the fear and terror that the people you consider closest to you won't. or when you're so scared of change that you'll shove down & lock away parts of yourself so that you can keep things as you are. because once they know you've changed, so will they. and really, do you want to even accept that you've changed? what if that's what scares you most of all - that you're different, you've metamorphosized, you can't go back to the way things were because you yourself are no longer the person you were before. there is no reversing this no matter how much you try or pretend
#its just so fascinating#the whrp: wally's The Guy!#wally (with his friends): the most lukewarm dude ever#then he's alone or alone with home and its like Hi My Name Is Wally Darling & Welcome To Jackass *off-tune guitar riff*#bbg has ✨problems✨#and like - im giving all of his stuff a re-listen to make sure im not misremembering or completely talking out of my ass#but his phone call? the way his VA is delivering the lines seems So fuckign different than in the shared audios#his tone is flatter. he sounds more sure of his words and himself. he Sounds like he's in control and knows it.#immediately going from that to a shared audio where he puts more inflection in his voice & doesnt talk much#and when he does talk its slow. meandering. his lines are more befitting of his audience surrogate role#which only makes me feel more like he's acting/masking (again: if that time discrepancy does indeed exist)#which - as someone who kinda compulsively masks around Literally Everyone no matter how much i want to Not - it kinda hits hard!#i suspect that he Is masking instead of acting. he's The Most Autism as we all know so it would more than fit#and that could add an extra layer if it's automatic and he can't turn it off. or if he doesn't want to turn it off#but also acting... a misplaced attempt to protect his friends and world? not feeling like he can share his 'true' self? augh#wally darling you make me unwell. i want to dissect you#wh speculation#welcome home speculation#homebogging#and then listening to his little record audios#he starts out talking like he does in the shared audios and then slowly gains confidence until he's speaking more like he does in the call#just. wally not being talkative in the neighborhood to the point where everyone's like 'yeah wally isnt much of a talker'#vs him chatting away to the qa/whrp/Us#of course it could be because he has to carry the entire conversation on his own#But. but. you can still carry a one sided conversation and be hesitant or awkward or um. missing the word rn but short-sentenced#brief? succinct? concise?#wally's fully trying to make conversation with someone he knows can't reply. which is interesting#so many ways to take that. well. three#maybe he doesnt feel listened to in his day to day life / he feels more comfortable and can relax / hes been alone for a long while#anyway there may be more ways to take this but this is all my tiny poppyseed brain can reach atm
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I'm halfway through the show, Queen of Tears, and something that I've seen floating across is the anti Hyun Woo sentiment regarding how he treated Hae In initially and was just trying to do it all for the will.
Something to understand here is that in situations such as his, where he was emotionally empty and just a shell of himself who was just functioning, he didn't have the bandwidth to understand the gravity of situation that was Hae In's terminal illness.
In Hyun Woo's mind, he didn't have Hae In's support anywhere, be it against his in-Laws or in the company. She is silent against her family and hostile and argumentative in the company. He doesn't know what all she does for him on the sly or in backstage. He is not aware and Hae In never made the effort to change that situation.
All that pressure, anxiety, gear and emotional drain took its toll on Hyun Woo's emotional capacity. Stuck in a state of constant negativity, his initial reaction to Hae In's illness might be a form of self-preservation. He shuts down completely, unable to process the additional emotional burden of her mortality.
Something to remember is also the fact, that although he was thinking of it, the one thing that pushed him to draft the divorce papers were the talk of their child, whose entire identity and life was being decided by Hae In's family while she had no opinion on that and couldn't care less. This entire situation fueled the fire of resentment burning within Hyun Woo. Here was Hae In, seemingly indifferent to the future of their potential child, the very thing that initially distanced them. It felt like a repeat of their early struggles, where her family held all the cards and Hae In remained silent, leaving him to battle alone.
This perception, however flawed it might be, explains his impulsive decision to draft the divorce papers. Exhausted and emotionally hollowed out, he saw the child issue as the final straw, a symbol of their inability to stand together. He might have been grasping at a desperate solution, a way to force a change in their dynamic, a cry for her to finally fight for him and their future.
Of course, this doesn't paint Hyun Woo as a hero. His actions were undeniably hurtful, a clumsy and emotionally charged attempt to solve a complex situation. But by understanding the immense pressure he was under, the constant negativity seeping into his core, we can see a flicker of vulnerability beneath his anger. He craved Hae In's support, her voice alongside his in the face of adversity. Perhaps, the divorce papers were a twisted plea for her to finally break her silence, to acknowledge his pain and fight for their future together.
Here's where empathy becomes crucial. While his actions are undeniably hurtful, it's important to consider if they stem from malice or a desperate attempt to cope.
Think about it this way: Imagine a cup overflowing with negativity. Hyun Woo's daily struggles with his in-laws, the lack of support at work, and the constant emotional strain have already filled his cup to the brim. When Hae In's illness is revealed, it's simply too much for him to handle at that moment. He doesn't have the emotional space to understand the gravity of her situation, let alone offer support. in fact, it's easy for him to consider her death as an easy escape since his capacity for empathy or his love for her was essentially buried under all that negativity.
#It was not that he didn't love her#its just the fact that he is tired and had easily given up on their relationship#there is also the fact that for all his calm he does have passive aggressive tendencies#He tends to avoid conflict so it all results in him reaching for the worst conclusion without arguing or hearing another person talk#as evident in the show the more hae in talked and was vulnerable the more he was reminded that he indeed love her#he was also easily jealous of eun seong inspite of not caring much of her#according to him#which just proves that he did love her but in all their struggle that love was lost#honestly#for all his smarts he is a disaster#how did he even graduate from SNU#baek hyun woo#hong hae in#baekhong#queen of tears#kdrama
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most touching bit that has been going on recently is people including kevjean when they say there are ship wars being fought on jean's holy name as if kevjean is ever even remotely comparable to jerejean (famous) and jeanee (canon)..... there are five kevjean fans and two are me. i dont think we can compete let alone compare but i love the enthusiasm
#LIKE I GET IT. BUT I WISH#my friends my acolytes my sisters and my cousins how i wish. how i wish!#its seriously touching its like having your bumfuck ass small town shout out @ the international news#but unless kevjean is secretly super famous in an underground aftg fight club then we are truly doomed#realistically what do we have. jean's suicide and the 2 in his jersey#thats all#these whores dont even talk. kevin hasnt answered jeans texts in a year#its moreover (moreau + over like joever) and we know its moreover. but i love getting included so thank you#even if kevin is indeed jeans bi awakening its literally crumbs girl its crumbs#i mean i guess you never forget your first love BUT STILL. you understand that its moreover#let renee and jeremy duke this one out kevin has done his time he was cute and pretty when it mattered and now he gets to gracefully exit#also to be honest lowkey kevin doesnt even want jean which hurts me personally but anything for my princess....#im showing him picture after picture of jean holding puppies and helping old ladies cross the street and kevins asking me where andrew at#hes looking the other way hes checking his nails hes whistling#lalalalalaing even#txt#kevjean
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dont be fooled this is a lundy interview roddy just makes a special cameo because if hes not within 5 ft of a finn he will die
"i dont think i can tell yet because hes listening—rod is listening. rod?" (roddy who has gone to finland with the avs in 22 and everyone knows this) "i did it 2 years ago i know-" [giggles of pure glee at being able to disrgruntle roddy]
"my favourite finnish meal?" "salmon soup baby" "i will say salmon soup 😃" "yeahhhhhh" "so 🙂"
erod who has been given explicit permission to interrupt the interview because hes been acknowledged by lundy and like a mouse being given a cookie he'll ask for milk too so he gets in a "salmon soup baby" to which lundy does not argue it at all because we didnt ask for audience participation but the peanut gallery sure is chirpy today i guess we will phone a friend??
florida panthers @ buffalo sabres pregame interview | 10.28.24 (x)
salmon soup...
#anton lundell#evan rodrigues#florida panthers#2425#crying cats do not stfu ever#girls we need to implement a talking stick#i absolutely believe erod intentionally stayed around just to bother lundy yeah#hes always tethered to a finn like of course#yeah lundy teases erod a lot its soooo#jamesok transcriped the baby out and i think the baby is so important actually#“salmon soup baby!” he says with the confidence of a man who does not know jackshit at all which is apparent in the way lundy entertains hi#lundy going yeah sure why not lohikeitto yeah#finns get so giggly when erods around#bring your north american to work day#hes just their little pet huh. he amuses them so much.#please always have roddy tag along to finn pressers please#emotional support north american that makes them giggle#i cant get over how much lundy looks over to roddy to egg him on#oh this team#i cant imagine a presser with both gadjo and roddy in the bg yall the interview would never been done#girls who never been introduced to a talking stick indeed
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hey guys. i'm not the only one who hears the lyrics to this song and thinks snowgrave kris and noelle right
#deltarune#kris dreemurr#noelle holiday#kriselle#i guess. i ship them but not really in snowgrave since i feel like that goes against a point it tries to make lol#but ya i see this from kris' pov. its 'im your man' by mitski#i feel like this touches on the commentary in the subtext of snowgrave about cisheteronormativity in video games#and how in the world of deltarune which for its inhabitants is indeed real. us asserting ourselves onto another person through a person#within that world just to satisfy our loneliness. especially a cishet mans loneliness. is kinda messed up#especially when its through 'manipulation' that the girl these people go through in the game world already has trouble standing up for#herself. and with that manipulation she is convinced that shes become stronger and more assertive#yet its only caused more and more problems#if that makes sense idk#so this is kris basically apologizing to noelle for everything thats happened on a snowgrave route. to me.#blaming theirself for things going this way#also it makes me think about snowgrave in the context of future chapters and noelle being the angel#and kris possibly having to face her in battle idk lol#anyway ya that was a lot. those are my thoughts
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(click for better resolution, etc.)
#adamandi#ambrose wellington bassford#infer as you will i suppose. wanted to draw a statue ambrose but accidentally painted it because smth smth blending fits him#again. main things taken from lyrics of the actual show ++ this definition i checked with google because i didn't remember it off the top#of my head. but Thoughts indeed#sfgdhhdf ok hello i am back today has been a Day (not very good) (oh well) (small mercies) ...#did not expect the melliot to find this so quickly but since i guess the Official Tumblr has reblogged it i'll just edit this one.#as opposed to reuploading. o//o#i painted it at 2am on impulse and have very little recollection of the whole event -? and then in a fit of pique added words and posted it#it is Very different from the original draft. i'd like to maybe do that one justice someday... anyways something something sometimes#a piece of art you make organically Evolves of its own volition... anyways.#maybe i'm projecting but recently (tuesday?) i found out something Important i had in the works Collapsed in the kiln#kaboom. ah the perils of ceramics. anyway thanks to the messed up 3d of everything i'm working on rn (the pros and cons of visual art subj#is that you get to make art for a grade) and. ceramics and sculpture and classics etcetera. <blinks> wow i really latched on to art aspects.#but nevertheless! ambrose brainrot real. iirc my thoughts were smth like. most strongly. that contrapposto? based on my school art history#was that it evolved from the very neutral rigid ancient greek sculptures of people which were all about Mathematical Symmetry. because#the main thing about contrapposto was that it reflected irl people more... more life-like? so it's very ironic to me#that Alive ambrose went and tried to turn himself into a statue. with part of the draw being contrapposto.. like?????#ah yes you like this sculpture because it's lifelike. and you'd rather be a sculpture than alive huh. the contrasts are !! in my head#also maybe i just.. wanted to paint... idk i had ambrose on the brain yesterday and it was something about sculptural messed up perfection#fun fact!!! the skin and hair i all greyed out to look like marble. fun fact number two: he has no eyes in this. like no pupils :3#fun fact number 3 (irrelevant) marble statues are only common wrt ancient greece bc the romans iirc came along and repurposed the bronzes.#because apparently bronze was a Hot Commodity at the time. and in return to preserve the art they made marble replicas. so most marble#ancient greek statues are apparently copies and the originals had totally different aesthetics#fun fact number 4: the background is a very greyed out image of my broken ceramics.. i wanted something nice to come out of it at least#fun fact number 5: i wanted to make him crack. like shattered ceramic or smth. that was the original idea. but instead it went to the pretty#sculpture route... kinda wanna make the messed up one though!!#fun fact number 6! because of Art Studio i'm covered in white paint and like it doesn't come off so it's been on my fingers and arms and#basically everywhere. so flesh turning into white stuff aes is fascinating i wanna explore... fun fact no.7.. i have accidentally maybe#began using screenshots as drawing practice. idk what to do with this info. if anything nice turns up ig i'll post it maybe
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"The division between the two families [the Woodvilles and the Nevilles] and their allies can be seen in the royal charters that they witnessed. Warwick, Rivers and Archbishop Neville of York, while serving as chancellor and afterwards, were fairly constant witnesses to royal charters and consequently often appeared together. This was not, however, the case for other family members and friends. From 1466 to 1469, if Scales or Woodville associates like Sir John Fogge, John Lord Audley or Humphrey Lord Stafford of Southwick witnessed royal charters, then members of the Neville group, such as John Neville, earl of Northumberland, or John Lord Wenlock would not, and vice versa. Discounting the ubiquitous Warwick, Rivers and Archbishop Neville, of the twenty-four charters issued between February 1466 and June 1469, twelve were witnessed by men associated with the Woodvilles, eight by men associated with the Nevilles and two were witnessed by no member of either group beyond the two earls at their heads and the archbishop; only two charters, both from 1466, featured associates of both families.
Such striking segregation of witnesses suggests that something more than simple convenience or availability was at play. [...] The evidence of these witness lists does show the extent of the split between the two groups from early in Edward's [first] reign and of the need for political society to work with that cleavage in the heart of the Yorkist regime."
— Theron Westervelt, "Royal charter witness lists and the politics of the reign of Edward IV"
*This is specifically applicable for Edward IV's first reign; in contrast, the charters in his second reign displayed a great deal of aristocratic and domestic unity and cohesion.
#the woodvilles#edward iv#wars of the roses#richard neville 16th earl of warwick#my post#elizabeth woodville#Obviously I hate the idea of Elizabeth and her family being seen as a social-climbing invasive species who banished the old nobility and#drove Warwick/Richard into rebellion and dominated the government and controlled the king and were responsible for Everything Wrong Ever#but I also dislike the 'revisionist' idea that they were ACTUALLY just passive and powerless bystanders or pawns who kept to their#social “place” (whatever the fuck that means). Frankly speaking this is more of a diminishment than a realistic defense.#the 'Queen's kin' (as they were known at the time) were very visible at court and demonstrably influential and prominent in politics#and as this shows there DOES seem to have been a genuine division/conflict between them and the Nevilles during Edward's first reign#(which DID directly lead to the decline of Neville dominance in England though the maintained honored positions and influence of their own)#Especially since Edward's second reign was entirely void of any such divisions - instead the nobility were united and focused on the King#even Clarence and Gloucester's long and disruptive quarrel over the Warwick inheritance never visibly left its mark on charters#so the Woodville/Neville divide from the 1460s must have been very sharp and divisive indeed#And yes it's safe to say that Elizabeth Woodville was probably involved: whether in her own right or via support of her family - or both -#it's illogical to argue that she was uninvolved (even the supportive Croyland Chronicle writes that Edward was “too greatly influenced”#by her; she and her family worked together across the 1470s; she was the de-facto head in 1483; etc)#Enhanced by the fact that Elizabeth was the first Englishwoman to be crowned queen - meaning that the involvement of her#homeborn family marked the beginning of “a new and largely unprecedented factor in the English power structure” (Laynesmith)#This should be kept in mind when it comes to analyzing contemporary views of them and of Elizabeth's own anomalous position#HOWEVER understanding the complexity of the situation at hand doesn't mean accepting the traditionally vilified depiction of the Woodvilles#Warwick and the Nevilles remained empowered and (at least outwardly) respected by the regime#Whether he was driven by disagreements over foreign policy or jealousy or ambition - the decision to rebel was very much his own#Claiming that the Woodvilles were primarily responsible is ridiculous (and most of the nobility continued to support Edward regardless)#There's also the fact that Warwick took what was probably a basic factional divide and turned it into a misogynistic and classist narrative#of a transgressive “bad” woman who became queen through witchcraft and aggrandized a family of social-climbing “lessers” who replaced#the inherently more deserving old nobility and corrupted the realm - later revived and intensified by Richard III a decade later#ie: We can recognize their genuine division AND question the (false/unfair) problematic narrative around the Woodvilles. Nuance is the key.
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thinking again about how our first introduction to ryohei was reborn saying "sasagawa ryohei. an impressive one" and being really normal about it. are you normal about it? you should think about it and be normal about it too
#katekyo hitman reborn#khr#khr text post#sasagawa ryohei#khr reborn#criminally underrated scene#especially because ryohei wasn't trying at all#by which i mean of course he was because it's his whole thing#the guy's literally in dying will mode at all time#but that's literally his /default state/and he can try even harder from there#and how impressive is that indeed?#ryohei's so criminally underrated altogether and FOR WHAT!!!!#like just THINK about that line and all its implications#ryohei could literally die at any moment and he wouldn't have any single regret about how he lived#because that's how much he makes damn well sure to give himself fully and wholly and /so/ earnestly to his life and the people he loves#every single second of his life#impressive amazing showstopping no one else does it like him etc etc you get it 💖
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whelp my chosen names are literally just my favorite colors and plants
#it was an accident i swear to god#and i guess *technically* i didnt chose violet?#well i did but i didnt (it makes sense i promise)#but yeah purple is indeed one of my favorite colors and violets are my favorite flower#and then theres basil which is just cause i started reading dorian gray and hes my favorite so i snatched the name (wow so original i know)#and green is my favorite color too soooo but idk if basil is actually a color but its definitely one of my favorite scents#oh goodness me#but i also dont go by either names irl but i think i like them better than my irl name#maybe?#i dont have any issues with it i probably wouldnt use them irl#but i do like them more i think#so maybe i would#whelp#personal#chosen name#vio yaps
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ah yes! the joys of executive dysfunction and something being Fundamentally Broken In Your Braincase!
#quick vent Look Away Nothing To See Here#i just needed to place my emotions somewhere before i really started to spiral#texts from cherished friends should not cause nausea-level anxiety! and yet!#here i am! running away from the ever-present miasma of guilt and stress!#you know a few months ago i was like 'im going to be better about responding im going to do better'#i Immediately started doing Worse!#i think i stressed myself out too much#pretty much every relationship i have ends up completely deteriorating due to my own insecurities and guilt and fucked up brain <3#ah yes and how could i forget the Commitment Issues and Emotional Block#mentally i am banging my head into a wall#but its fine Its Fine#i mean its not. its really not. but sometimes it seems like the harder i try the harder i fail#which is something i should be used to by now!#okay so it looks like i Am Indeed spiraling so#i am going to go... list some good things in this world and uhhh#well i dont have the car this weekend so cant go for a drive and some boba. um.#i need to organize my room table Yes that sounds distracting and falsely productive#not gonna tag this with anything actually.#love treating tumblr like my personal diary#ah yes its just me. my personal feelings. and the couple thousand people that follow me.#perhaps i will also buy something online with one of the gift cards i found the other day#buttons from michaels!!! i need buttons! i will go do that!#with the knowledge that i have unopened messages to respond to looming in the back of my mind like a noose! yippee yahoo!!!#gonna... turn of replies/rbs just this once since its just a Vent#i just needed to get it Out yk? not looking for anything other than relieving pressure on my brain#ok it looks like i cant turn of replies for individual posts#just... pretend you didnt see this for both our sakes <3#look away look away
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